10 Years....and counting

This morning it dawned on me. This is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. And, not only that, it is the 10th anniversary of the worst day of my life.

Why would I bring that up? Why would I want to remember that day?

Because it marks a milestone for me.

I don’t commemorate the date as important for the horrific memories it evokes. I celebrate it as the birth of the new me, or the re-birth of the me I was created to be.

And I want you to know, I am thankful. I never thought I would be grateful for that fateful day, those feelings of fear and shame. But past dwelling in the abyss makes me now see wonder even in the flat prairie-days, and awe at the mountaintop. Where I was once blanketed in scandal and humiliation, I am now covered in love.

Today is a reminder to me of the grace upon grace that is abundantly given me

I tell you that I am thankful because you may be experiencing your own valley. There are lessons to learn in the dales. If there were no valleys there would be no hilltops. And, the view from the hilltop makes you appreciate the valley.

Happy Birthday to the re-newed me. Thank God He gave me a do-over.

And Now….In The Center Ring

I seem to be in a rut lately. All the high drama events that have happened since December 4th still have me feeling unsettled and weary. The fire at my beloved church, the emboli, and the devastating ice storm piled one on top of the another. Each has residual effects that continue to mound up and occupy my thoughts.

In addition, my wonderful, sweet Phil spoils me. Especially since my release from the hospital he has insisted that I rest and take it easy while he tends to me.

Just between you and me I have taken advantage of it.

And, shhhhhhh maybe, just maybe I’ve milked it a little and let him wait on me.

But, his caretaking allows me to continue to wallow. I cannot get me off my mind.

Unfortunately for me, Phil has been working out of town for 16 days with 4 to go - more lingering effects of the ice storm…whine whine.

A couple weeks ago our Sunday School lesson was based on the surprise of the resurrection. The women at the tomb were frightened, the disciples puzzled and they thought the women were speaking nonsense.

All this from people who should have known better. Jesus had been teaching and telling them, but they were blinded by their own expectations.

Confusion.

They saw but their eyes were not opened. They heard, but they did not understand. Because of their self-focus, the meaning was hidden until Jesus opened their minds.

Shoot! Even the two on the road to Emmaus walked with Jesus, saw him with their own eyes and did not recognize him because their attention was on their sorrow at his death.

The lesson really got me pondering about my own focus. Right now my life is like one of those “magic eye” pictures. Remember those from back in the 90’s? The picture looks like a jumble of colors and images, but when you get close and let all the extraneous shapes fade into the background the true image comes into focus. In fact, once you see it, you wonder how you missed it before.I am adrift in a current of confusion. I lost my focus and things around me are swirling with uncertainty, fear, pain and shadows. I need to let all the junk that occupies my mind and my life fade into the background. I need to get close to Jesus. I need to put all my focus on HIM. When that happens He will continue to open my eyes and my mind to His image and to what is important to Him.

The words of this favorite hymn are a perfect illustration for ridding our lives of the confusion living in the world brings.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.